Dear God,

It has been a long time since I last prayed or even spoke to God. I'm so tired. Sometimes I think that I'm socially awkward. I have no idea what to do and how to react to certain situations. I find myself thinking "hmmm, what would so-and-so do if they are in this situation right now? What would they say?" But the fact is, why should I care? Shouldn't I say what I want to say and do what I want to do? I thought I've grown but there's still a part inside of me that worries too much about what others say of me. I often wonder what they think of me, what's their impression of me. I strive to be well-liked by other people. But honestly, we can't please everyone.

I don't know what has been happening to me. I've been really impatient these few days. So there is this senior in hall, that's like having some relationship problems to deal with. He can't even make a proper decision, and it gets on my nerves cos he always dwells in this sadness that never ends. Why doesn't he want to do himself a favor and get it over with? Is it really possible to love someone so much that you would allow yourself go through that kind of hurt? The pain is constant yet he holds on. Why? Then he starts saying that I'm giving unconstructive advice. The truth is just that I'm saying what he doesn't want to hear. I say that there is no hope, it's been a problem for 3 years. It's time to let go. He can't accept it. Why do people not want to hear the truth? Is it better to lie?

Humans are mind-boggling creatures. I'm honestly so confused. Why can't people just love. I know, doing it is really difficult but sometimes, you just need to make a courageous decision, and tell yourself "I'm doing myself a favor".

Today is also one of those days when I think into the future and ask myself, "Am I ever going to find someone?" God, you keep telling me to trust you. It's hard but I think I will try. So please teach me how to surrender this burden unto you, so that I may never dwell in this stupid matter any longer. It's foolish to worry over such things we have no control of.

Friendships in uni are so meaningless. The so called Heart To Heart Talk that we have so frequently is so forced. It doesn't stem from true friendship. At the end of the day, how many of these people am I going to keep in contact with when my life here in NTU ends? Networking, sure. That's all right. These people only serves as advantage to me in the future in terms of job prospects. At least I think that is how most people see it. Isn't that kind of sad? Making friends based on a motive. I can't help but think of my friends in secondary school and JC. I miss them so much but they are in a different school and that sucks.

Lord, won't you come and fix me and everything that is happening around me. Help me to just focus on my exams and nothing else. Let everything I worry be submitted to you and lift the burdens off my shoulders for I'm merely human and there's nothing I can do. Trust you for my life is in your hands.