So my dear boy is currently at Sports Camp, and disappeared entirely from the face of the earth. The only time I get replies from him is dead in the night at 2am - 4am in the morning. And last night, I didnt sleep well at all. Because my body kept waking me up every two hours, and I checked my phone just to see if there is a reply. It makes me feel so pathetic about myself though. Through this almost two days, I learnt that sitting around missing someone hurts a hell load. It's okay if he is still texting me on a regular basis, but he isn't because he is a camp leader and he needs to LEAD people and engage people. Okay, I totally get it. But that doesn't mean that it doesn't suck to be the one waiting around. I have never in my life felt this intensity of longing and love. And I fear that it is driving me to the verge of insanity. At the same time, I can't help but wonder if the roles were reversed, would he feel the longing and desperation I feel now? I normally would be okay if it weren't for the fact that I am leaving for exchange in two weeks. Two weeks. And sports camp robbed half of the time away from me. Thank you Sports Camp, you really really suck.
He told me that I should be supportive, like how he was during my run for Sports Sec. And looking back, I'm kind of ashamed of myself. He was always there to hold me, every single time when I have a breakdown on the amount of things piling up. Always there to pick me up and hug me and assured me that everything would be okay. But it is different. I don't even get a "Good morning" or "Good night" text from him anymore. I miss him so much, I really really do. I have 5 more days before I get to be in his warm embrace again. To spend a short week together, then off I venture to Europe without his presence with me for five whole months. 23 weeks to be exact. I think the amount of longing I feel at that time would be enough to drive me crazy. How is it that he is so calm in all of this? I can't help but wonder, does it mean that he loves me less than I do him?
Tuesday, 22 July 2014
Wednesday, 9 July 2014
Pre-Exchange
So, I'm currently having my internship and planning for my upcoming exchange to Germany. Just less than 4 more weeks to go before I fly. There's a whirlwind of thoughts going through my head every single day. I'm excited yet afraid.
I fear being abandon by my friends when I am there.
I fear getting homesick like crazy and the only thing I am able to do is cry.
I fear my impending LDR with my boyfriend who would be halfway across the world, no doubt having fun.
I fear being alone.
I fear not gaining anything out of exchange.
I want to be independent, to be okay with being alone. I'm excited yet there are just so many considerations to be thinking about. My only consolation is that I would be pretty busy so I expect the exchange period to pass by quickly. I'll miss my boy though <3
I fear being abandon by my friends when I am there.
I fear getting homesick like crazy and the only thing I am able to do is cry.
I fear my impending LDR with my boyfriend who would be halfway across the world, no doubt having fun.
I fear being alone.
I fear not gaining anything out of exchange.
I want to be independent, to be okay with being alone. I'm excited yet there are just so many considerations to be thinking about. My only consolation is that I would be pretty busy so I expect the exchange period to pass by quickly. I'll miss my boy though <3
Wednesday, 2 October 2013
Sunday, 20 January 2013
Hitting Red by Taylor Swift on replay
Loving him is like driving a new Maserati down the dead end street
Faster than the wind, passionate as sin, ending so suddenly
Loving him is like trying to change your mind once you're already flying through the free fall
Like the colors in autumn so bright just before they lose it all
Losing him was blue like I'd never known
Missing him was dark grey all alone
Forgetting him was like trying to know somebody you've never met
But loving him was red
Loving him was red
Touching him is like realizing all you ever wanted was right there in front of you
Memorising him was as easy as knowing all the words to your old favor song
Fighting with him was like trying to solve a crossword and realizing there's no right answer
Regretting him was like wishing you never found out love could be that strong
Losing him was blue like I'd never known
Missing him was dark grey all alone
Forgetting him was like trying to know somebody you've never met
But loving him was red
Oh red burning red
Remembering him comes in flashbacks and echoes
Tell myself its time now, gotta let go
But moving on from him is impossible when I still see it all in my head
Burning red
Oh, osing him was blue like I'd never known
Faster than the wind, passionate as sin, ending so suddenly
Loving him is like trying to change your mind once you're already flying through the free fall
Like the colors in autumn so bright just before they lose it all
Losing him was blue like I'd never known
Missing him was dark grey all alone
Forgetting him was like trying to know somebody you've never met
But loving him was red
Loving him was red
Touching him is like realizing all you ever wanted was right there in front of you
Memorising him was as easy as knowing all the words to your old favor song
Fighting with him was like trying to solve a crossword and realizing there's no right answer
Regretting him was like wishing you never found out love could be that strong
Losing him was blue like I'd never known
Missing him was dark grey all alone
Forgetting him was like trying to know somebody you've never met
But loving him was red
Oh red burning red
Remembering him comes in flashbacks and echoes
Tell myself its time now, gotta let go
But moving on from him is impossible when I still see it all in my head
Burning red
Oh, osing him was blue like I'd never known
Missing him was dark grey all alone
Forgetting him was like trying to know somebody you've never met
But loving him was red yeah yeah red
Oh red burning red
And that's why he's spinning round in my head
Comes back to me burning red Yeah yeah
Cause loving him was like driving a new maserati down a dead end street
Pausing insanity ):
So i've been doing insanity diligently for the past 2 weeks and the pain in the knee started coming around day 10. Just a mild pain whenever i bent my knee. I thought nothing of it and continued doing my daily insanity. Then on day 14 it got worse. I realized that simple things like climbing up and down the stairs actually made it hurt even more. On day 15, I still continued. But I really had to stop as squatting down also hurts. Now it hurts whenever I stand up. D: I really hope this goes away. I really enjoyed doing this daily workouts and I'm starting to see results! My thighs went down by slightly more than an inch and my weight reduced by 0.5kg. It's only been two weeks. Sigh ):
And I think I really blew it. Im not gonna say what cos the blog is public. Just feeling quite down for some reasons. Really hope things get better.
To make things worse, playing volleyball is putting a strain on my knees too! Now I can't play netball with my friends tmrw ): I never thought a day like this would come. That I would be sad now that I'm not able to play sports just for a few days or weeks. If this was a few years back, I would gladly obey my parents and my friends. But now, I'm really upset not being able to play something and be active.
And I think I really blew it. Im not gonna say what cos the blog is public. Just feeling quite down for some reasons. Really hope things get better.
To make things worse, playing volleyball is putting a strain on my knees too! Now I can't play netball with my friends tmrw ): I never thought a day like this would come. That I would be sad now that I'm not able to play sports just for a few days or weeks. If this was a few years back, I would gladly obey my parents and my friends. But now, I'm really upset not being able to play something and be active.
Friday, 14 December 2012
Forever and Always
She's sitting at the table
The hours getting later
He was supposed to be here
She's sure he would have called
She waits a little longer
There's no one in the driveway
No one's said they seen him
Why, is something wrong?
She looks back to the window
And suddenly the phone rings
A voice said something's happen
That she should come right now
Her mind goes to December
She thinks of when he asked her
He bent down on his knees first and he said
I want you forever, forever and always
Through the good and the bad and the ugly
We'll grow old together
Forever and always
She pulls up to the entrance
She walks right to the front desk
They lead her down a million halls a maze that's never ending
They talk about what happened but she can barely hear them
She tries to keep a straight face as she walks into the room
She sits by his bedside, hold his hand too tight
They talk about the kids their gonna have and the good life
The house on the hillside, where they will stay
Stay there forever, forever and always
Through the good and the bad and the ugly
We'll grow old together and always remember
Whether rich or for poor or for better
We'll still love each other, forever and always
Then she gets an idea and calls in the nurses
Brings up the chaplain and he says a couple verses
She borrows some rings from the couple next door
Everybody's laughing as the tears fall on the floor
She looks into his eyes, and she says
I want you forever, forever and always
Through the good and the bad and the ugly
We'll grow old together and always remember
Whether happy or sad or whatever
We'll still love each other, forever and always
Forever and always, Forever and always
She finishes the vows but his beeps are getting too slow
His voice is almost too low
As he says
I love you forever, forever and always
Please just remember even when I'm not there
I'll always love you, forever and always
The hours getting later
He was supposed to be here
She's sure he would have called
She waits a little longer
There's no one in the driveway
No one's said they seen him
Why, is something wrong?
She looks back to the window
And suddenly the phone rings
A voice said something's happen
That she should come right now
Her mind goes to December
She thinks of when he asked her
He bent down on his knees first and he said
I want you forever, forever and always
Through the good and the bad and the ugly
We'll grow old together
Forever and always
She pulls up to the entrance
She walks right to the front desk
They lead her down a million halls a maze that's never ending
They talk about what happened but she can barely hear them
She tries to keep a straight face as she walks into the room
She sits by his bedside, hold his hand too tight
They talk about the kids their gonna have and the good life
The house on the hillside, where they will stay
Stay there forever, forever and always
Through the good and the bad and the ugly
We'll grow old together and always remember
Whether rich or for poor or for better
We'll still love each other, forever and always
Then she gets an idea and calls in the nurses
Brings up the chaplain and he says a couple verses
She borrows some rings from the couple next door
Everybody's laughing as the tears fall on the floor
She looks into his eyes, and she says
I want you forever, forever and always
Through the good and the bad and the ugly
We'll grow old together and always remember
Whether happy or sad or whatever
We'll still love each other, forever and always
Forever and always, Forever and always
She finishes the vows but his beeps are getting too slow
His voice is almost too low
As he says
I love you forever, forever and always
Please just remember even when I'm not there
I'll always love you, forever and always
Wednesday, 12 December 2012
IHG
SOOOO, the IHG period has started! Hall has officially become a chalet LOLOL.
The cycle has been reduced to wake up play eat sleep wake up play eat sleep. (*insert mahjong randomly)
These few days, nua-ing at home has made me feel even worse. Even more lazy and sluggish. Like a sloth. The longer I'm cooped up at home, the more I feel sleepy and tired haha.
Just a short rant and update!BYE:D
The cycle has been reduced to wake up play eat sleep wake up play eat sleep. (*insert mahjong randomly)
These few days, nua-ing at home has made me feel even worse. Even more lazy and sluggish. Like a sloth. The longer I'm cooped up at home, the more I feel sleepy and tired haha.
Just a short rant and update!BYE:D
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